Holy Wars

Forgive me blogspot for I have sinned. It's been a year since I last posted on blogger. I have sinned by posting blogs on myspace. Yes I am an adulterous blogger. Where's my "A" patch???

A whole year. Well, a lot has happened. Nothing to say I guess but "On with the show".

Reader's digest version? I broke up with the bf... a couple times in the last year. We broke up for religious reasons.

Turns out he thought he was God.

Sure I thought at first it was feasible. He was a control freak and I mean cmon...who doesn't have MORE control than God? And his opinions and expectations were ALWAYS the right ones. And God is never wrong! But then I realized that God probably didn't go around smashing in tail lights of my male friend's cars because he's "sure" there's something going on. And God wouldn't have to put a software on my laptop to get my passwords so he could go snooping for evidence. I mean, God would just "know" if something was amiss right? It's safe to say that after that password software deal were kinda off like a prom dress. He was nicely asleep on the couch when I learned this Handy little piece of info so I went to bed and locked the door. But not before putting a note on it that said "Use your program to get in here". He smartly went home. Sure he tried to deny it, then he kinda started stalking me. I was nice and friendly with him but then one day the almighty God showed up again and he told me that I should try making a goal sometime. Helllooooo....goal #1 is to find a good guy that doesn't treat me like shit. So with a friendly little "Fuck you" on yahoo messenger I changed the tone of the game. He still tries to stalk a little but it's getting better. I guess even God needs a rest now and then.

I dating another guy in between my and God's relationship being off and on. That lasted a whole 2 months. He didn't think he was God, which was quite refreshing.

He did however fail to tell me that he was Satan.

Ole Lucifer was a real treat.

He portrayed himself as this upstanding guy, church going single father just looking for a meaningful relationship. I met his daughter. Met his family. Went to church one Sunday with them. Flags were popping up and he finally made the ultimate mistake with me.

He underestimated me.

I would have never figured the Antichrist for stupid, but he sure thought I was. Turns out just about everything was a big lie. He didn't own a harley, he borrowed his friends. Not that I care but when you add it to the fact that since he starting dating me, he was stooping the neighbor lady who lived a down a few houses and across the street. He also told me that he had a problem with pain pills and was getting treatment. Unlucky for him I didn't buy into it and knew it was just a way to keep me at bay while he was lying to the other girl. It finally ended when I could nail him with proof. One night he was at therapy. Did you know that Satan plays poker? And that poker is how they do "therapy" for drug addicts? I sat down at a table one night and saw him. I texted Satan, at 666 of course and told him to let me know how therapy went. You guessed it. Twenty minutes after "rehab" gets out he texted me and told me about his "rough night". I tell him the next day that he has to be honest with me. I give him the out. He doesn't take it. Ok...I guess we will play the game then. The next night, he tells me he's going to the hops ital. The shakes are too bad. I thought it was time to call Satan's bluff so I drove the 40 miles to his town. And did you know that the hospital in his small town of 200 serves whiskey? And it's on Main Street? Can I say "deer in the headlights right before the smash"? It got even better when his OTHER gf from across the street came over after I made sure his drunk lying ass got home. We had a nice chat for the next couple of hours comparing notes. She is still with Satan and they are both happily burning in hell. Even after he told both of us that he cares more for me. Stupid Satan needs a stupid gf so I suppose they are a perfect match. He even told me he needs to pick the dumb ones. I have too much self respect to play that game. Besides I had to get right with God and try that song and dance again.

I wonder if I can get a refund on my 12 years of catholic school education.

Free at Last!

Ok so I haven't written in a while. So sue me. Oh and good luck with that because my divorce lawyer already squeezed that little lemon for all it was worth. I know, I'm shocked too.

I'm not sure, but I may be the first person to fight with her lawyer and not with her ex. Why? Cuz my lawyer thought I should go for alimony. He thought I should go for the pension. Hell with that. My ex has no concept of money and he's dating a girl that is about as high maintenance as they come. Yes folks, they are still together. Ain't that sweeeet? Ok, not really. He's a caveman so of COURSE he's blissfully happy. She's cleaning his house, buying him all kinds of clothes (cuz the tshirts he likes to wear isn't good enough), buying him watches when he never really wanted to wear one, a couch. Oh...and giving him all the sex he can take. I figure, he will need the pension to get himself out of debt (again). He's 39 and renting a house which is the first house we bought (and sold) because he knows how to move on SO well. Besides his pension and some 401k through his work, the only equity he has is in a car worth $1000 IF that. And what is he telling the kids? That as soon as he has enough money he's going to buy a harley. Not save up to buy a house again, not saving it in general in case something happens. (because his child support is hefty) He's buying a harley. Gee...and we didn' t work. Hmmmm.

So I told Mr. Greedy Lawyer guy that I don't want his pension cuz I didn't work hard for it and I don't want alimony. Becuase I don't want him saying he doesn't have any money and it's because of me. He's supporting his kids and he can do the damage to himself BY himself. I'm done being his scapegoat. I'm Wheezy Jefferson. I'm moving on up!

As for little ole me? I'm making my way. Dating a guy, a friend actually. Believe me...there are some blogs coming on that one. It's not easy being a 36 year old single person when the last time you had a first date was at the age of 17. But my past has taught me the valuable lesson to NEVER settle. So while caveman is grunting (literally) with his harleytart, I'm going to pursuing the life that I deserve and a relationship that expands who I am and grows along side me.

My coworker and I was talking about it all and I said how I had to get insurance from work cuz I didn't have it anymore....and I said "But I don't have a husband either".

I like to say I lost 220 lbs in one day. Makes me feel SO thin! I got two bags under my eyes, but lost an asshole.

Oh...and he didn't get divorced in the morning and married in the afternoon. Maybe he is waiting to pull her up to a store, buy someting and woo her with the great line "Well you gonna put it on?"

The one that got away....

I guess that saying really is true? Do you know why divorces are so expensive?

BECAUSE THEY ARE WORTH IT!

Towanada!

Up Close & Too Personal

So you've stumbled onto my blog. You perv. I like you already! ;-)
To know me is to...well, know me.

You know that nice lady that lives on your street with the pie cooling on her windowsill? That's not me. Not even close. I don't live on anybody's street--they live on mine. As for the pie? I'm too busy running ragged after my 3 kids, dog and my sanity to eat let alone back a pie everyone is too busy to eat in the first place.

Ya see, life is a just a little crazy right now and while I would love nothing more than to run down the halls at work or yell at the top of my lungs at the local Walmart ranting to anyone that doesn't really care, it just isn't the right thing to do. So, I might as well do the techy thing and blab to the whole net to anyone who cares to hear what I have to say without scaring the little old lady at Walmart who's just trying to get her denture cream.

So...what's up with the crazy gal from Walmart anyways? Well, for starters I'm going through the big D and I don't mean Dallas. While that isn't anything overly newsworthy, it is a strange one to say the least. Got time for a story? Tough...here it comes anyway. This is where I would normally start ranting at Walmart but I figure I need toilet paper once in a while so I figured being banned wouldn't be such a good idear.

I'm ending a relationship 18 years in the making. One I've been in since I was 17. So I made it with him one year longer than I was alive when I met him. Awwww...ain't that sweet? Not really.

My FIRST clue to go awol should have been when after 4.5 years of dating he finally decided he wanted to take that "big step" into the institution of marriage. His way of doing it? He took me downtown on a Wednesday night when none of the stores are even open. We park the car and when I asked him "what" we are doing he replies, "I want to see this rock you think you got to have". Romantic isn't he? This is where I should have gotten in the car and drove to anywhere but there.

Now stores were open the next night and did we go downtown? Nooooo. Cuz his bos was taking the boys out to eat and he couldn't miss out on a free steak and beer from his cheap boss. So we finally go to the city like 10 days later, no proposal, no mention of the big step we were taking...nothing. We spend a Saturday shopping, pick out a nice ring and the clerk puts it in a box in a bag and I walk out of the store. This is where I didn't know quite what to do. I'm standindg in the middle of a big shopping mall, holding my engagement ring in a bag. Do I take it as mine and put it on? Do I wait for a big moment involving a knee? Does he want to talk to my dad?? Finally he says....

"Well you gonna put it on?"

I told you he was romantic. ;-)

That night we went out with our best friends to a local bar. He couldn't even tell anyone about it or say the "e" word. He would simply hold up my hand and show them my hand. He must have thought I had really nice hands or something.

So...the years go on. We have 3 great kids. Mr. Romantic is doing his thing....or not doing I should say. I plug along giving up on all those silly things I wanted like romance, weekend getaways, going to movies....him talking to me about anything. Until I woke up and said "Heck with this crap".

So I filed, you know, cuz I have to do EVERYTHING in the relationship. He is still living with me as we have agreed to be "friends". THAT was a great idea. Now he's my teenage son that I do his laundry, he eats my food and talks on the phone 2 hours a night to his girlfriend.

Ooooops...did I say GIRLFRIEND?

Yeah, 10 days after I filed he tells me that he understands we never talked. He then tells me how he emailed a girl I used to work with and has remained a friend to me. And that THEY talk all the time.

So a week later I was away with one of our daughters. He had a first date...aka 2 night sleepover as if ALL first dates are that way. Two weeks later we tell the kids about the divorce. The next week he takes them to her house for supper. Yes folks...he's nuts. I wonder if they sit in silence all night and then he finallys woos her with "Wanna scrog?" to get her in the mood??? It must work, within a month he was professing love to her.

I'm taking bets that he will get divorced in the morning and married in the afternoon? Oh wait, he told me 2 hours before my water broke that he'd never get married again. You know, cuz that is what ALL 9 mo preggers women want to hear!

Lucky for him I have a sense of humor and I'm so happy to be done with him it doesn't really matter WHAT he does. If he wants to repeat history I wish the caveman all the luck in the world.

This gal is going to yell it like it is and hope for the best. Here's to the journey!

This blog was brought to you by Walmart, where everyone goes to shop in crowded aisles, have crappy samples and hear screaming kids because their dumb parents brought them by the toys.